Sometimes...

Overall I had a pretty good week this week. It's getting harder for me to write every couple days like I planned to. It's jut so hard to write after a long day. I know...call the whaambulence. :) Today is Sunday and everyone else is off doing something. Pablo is off with Denis, the others are at the movies and I am doing laundry, catching up on homework, and hanging out in my jamies. It's extremely cold and crappy outside and I am fully taking advantage of it by just chiliing. The weather has been beautiful, but winter is not ready to release its grasp and this week is going to be very cold and rainy. I may go out a bit later, but it's too early to say at this point.

I had the kids alone from Tuesday and Wednesday. Anne Marie flew to England for work and came back very late Wednesday night. They were pretty well behaved except for Pablo who refused to unset the table, but all in all not too bad. After raising my voice and being stern, then explaining that everyone has to do their part to help out, you know what I told him to finally get him to help with the dishes? I leaned over and whispered to him that if he helped, then he can be the first one to brush his teeth that night. He then said that he would after he was done reading his comics (though he is 4 and can't read). I said alright and maybe 5 seconds later he started helping. I think I got the better end of that deal.

Wednesday afternoon we went to play in the park (chateau de vincenne) with Denis. Chloe and I climbed the “Eiffle tower” which was really a red rope tower about 30 feet tall and went on the slides. It was actually kind of fun, but I was most definitely the biggest one on both the tower and the slides. After making dinner of penne, pine nuts and spinache we all worked together to make some little origami flowers for Anne Marie when she came home. It was fun more because everyone worked together than the actual making of the flowers, though that was fun also. It's been a bit difficult to put the boys to bed because they seem really calm then all of a sudden get bursts of energy right before sleep. There aren't too many books that I can read to them because all of their books are in French, so I'm getting pretty good at telling stories. I'm considering not giving them anything to eat at night so that they won't have any energy before bed, but I don't think that will go over too well.

Chloe is a bit hard to figure out. Fridays we have to get to school early and last Friday we forgot. We all got ready in time and made it out the door. I knew we had plenty of time, but Chloe kept saying, "we’re going to be late" the whole trip to school (which actually isn't that unusual on other days as well). Then after getting there early and hanging around in the playground for a bit, on her way up to the classroom she goes by me and says, “see, we’re early.” I don’t get that girl yet. I think her way of dealing with stress is to be the boss and have everything in order. The problem with this is that no one likes to be told all the time that they are wrong. She is also always worried that she’s going to get into trouble is something is not done properly; for example, she I let Pablo play in the schoolyard after school while waiting for Elliot to get out of his class and she told me that he wasn't supposed to be doing that, which I found out later that it's true, but was worried that she was going to get into trouble for it. She also tells everyone in the family (including her mom) that they are not doing things the right way, even though sometimes they are doing it or saying it just fine, just a different way. She can definitely stress me out sometimes and I feel like she doesn’t say what’s really bothering her so she takes it out on other people at inappropriate times. I feel like she is going to learn the hard way that she can’t get her way all the time. Don't get me wrong, she can be really sweet, but usually it's when she's getting her way.

As far as my role goes in the family, I feel like I’m settling in a bit more. The first month was definitely rough. With the kids not really listening to me and one or more of them crying by the time we got home, I have to say I was not satisfied with my job performance. It came to a head when I got yelled at for not keeping the kids quiet while Anne Marie was on the phone. I did not like being yelled at and was at first worried that she thought I wasn’t doing my job, then a bit hurt then kind of pissed, then really pissed. I went for a run and came to the conclusion that this is a job. My job is not to worry about if I hurt the kids feelings or try to anticipate what Anne Marie wants. My job is to take care of the kids and be an authority. After the holidays I was much more strict with them and they actually are doing better because of it.

It’s just difficult to determine when the situation requires being caring and gentle or if yelling is the right approach. Obviously this is the eternal dilemma, but I feel like I’m learning and that’s why I’m here right. I think I do have to stay a bit more removed from the family, but it's really hard since I'm living in the house with them. I guess that's also part of setting boundaries.