The Chilins

It 's been a few days since I wrote last, but I needed those days to get a bit of perspective...
So, last Wednesday a bunch of things that have been just under the surface came boiling over the pot. The kids have Wednesdays off from school and I am expected to watch them/play with them while the mom works from home until their dad comes to get them around 1 or 2pm. This is how it went:
No TV unless it's on Tuesday or Friday night, so we (meaning the kids and I) decided to make up a game. It was a pretty cool game and elaborate too where we made the living room the game board and we were the game pieces. We were all going along fine until Chloe cheated. I knew exactly what she did, but she wouldn't admit it. I told her to just roll again, but she wouldn't. Then the other two started to get involved. This of course caused enough commotion to bring the mom down and yell at all of us. Chloe then left the game and the three of us continued. We got almost to the end of the game (which would be the first time since I've been here that we finished one) then Elliot didn't get his way (ie win), so he started to pitch a fit. Blah blah blah, we didn't finish the game and I told him to go get dressed. blah blah blah he wanted to do crafts instead. blah blah blah he wouldn't change from his pjs to his clothes so he threw a temper tantrum. The whole morning was a battle and this was supposed to be there day off! My nerves were a bit frayed. Not because I was pissed, but because I knew that my job was to watch the kids and control them and I couldn't. I also had to deal with waiting out a temper tantrum. I've never had to put my will against a kid's like that before. Even though he eventually did what I wanted and we hugged when he was calm, I still felt a bit shakey after.

After all of this, eventually Anne-Marie called Denis to come early and sit down with all the kids to have a family discussion. Basically, the whole family talked a bit about what has been going on (tantrums and arguments, etc.) and laid down a few rules. We also talked about setting and sticking to a schedule. This was all in French and after the dad left with the kids. AM and I talked probably for about an hour about schedule and what we think we should do with the kids, etc. I feel pretty good about it, though the kids will be on vacation the next couple weeks and the schedule is kaput, but I really think it will help them to have more structure when it is implemented. And, even more so, I feel good that AM and I talked. I feel like I know what is expected of me and I think the kids needed a bit of that too. I don't think it will be the last discussion by far, but I think it was a very good start.

A bit of background: Before today (Friday), there was not a single day this past week when one or two of them didn't throw a fit before we got home. Over what you ask? Who fucking knows. One minute Elliot is describing how he had the best day in the whole world and the next minute he is crying and whimpering and doesn't want to do anything anymore. I ask what's wrong and he says, "you're not listening to me!" Ah, ha yes, good that's something that I can fix. Is that really what's going on though? No. Granted with three kids all vying for your attention at once, I can see why he gets frustrated, but it's really hard to please a kid who wants your attention all the time. What I mean is, he starts talking about something then keeps going and going and going sometimes not making any sense and of course during this time one of the other kids will chime in with something or I don't understand something and Elliot gets pissed off. Done. Can't console him can't distract him. Can't cheer him up. We just have to wait it out. And, if he gets pissed he sometimes kicks or hits his brother or sister which pisses them off and you can guess the rest. There were a couple days where we almost got all the way home without incident, but alas today was the only one where everyone came home happy. The difference was that we set some rules before getting on the metro. Today we had a little discussion about interrupting each other. It seemed to work because we made it home with out any tantrums!!! After we came home, we had a bit of daylight left so we went to the park to play. We also made it there and back without too much of a problem too!! All in all I consider this a very good day.

What I have learned this week:
1)If you are going to play a game, read the rules before starting if there are some, or if not, make sure everyone knows them all and agrees on them. Perhaps even writing them down.
2) It's ok to make rules for things that are not games, like riding the metro. If we all agree on them before hand there will hopefully be no desputes (And the rules have to be made BEFORE)
3) No matter how many times they are told to share, sometimes it's just not possible and either I do it myself (like pushing the code to get into the building) or the game/activity needs to stop.
4) Yelling at screaming kids does nothing.
5) Make sure to close the shower curtain when they have control of the shower head.

One thing I have to say that is pretty cute...The first or second day I was here I asked the boys to brush their teeth. When they came back, I didn't believe them so I asked to smell their breath. Even though I had a cold and couldn't smell anything, I told them I didn't think they brushed. They then ran back to the bathroom and really did brush their teeth. Ever since then when I ask if they've brushed their teeth they say, "yes I did, smell them!" and I do, and they did. Ah, the little uns can be very cute.

Tomorrow the kids are off to the country to visit their grandparents for two weeks. I still have class every day, but no chilins to take care of. So, the plan is to explore Paris the first week and hopefully go skiing the second. I don't know how or where yet, but I think I can make it happen.